July 10, 2017
I feel like the topic of this post is the pink elephant in the room - something I've been avoiding talking about for several months now. I think it's also part of the reason I haven't blogged much because if I'm feeling protective of my personal life then I'm not in much of a sharing mood in general. But today, I thought I'd try to explain where I am a little bit more.
This year has been a rollercoaster.
A year ago, I left my community and my life in Chicago and moved to Colorado. I needed a change, I needed an adventure, but I had no idea how difficult the transition would be. I moved specifically to Colorado Springs to stay with family while I job searched and while I was there I started out by enjoying the summer and assuming I'd find a job soon so I could move up to Denver and start my "new life." Well, I was wrong.
I ended up staying in Colorado Springs from May through December of 2016. My mom visited for some time, I went up to see my friend in Denver, and I saw my new niece on occasion but for the most part, I was alone and starting to feel more confused and less valuable as my job search continued on.
I applied to over 100 jobs. I got a couple of interviews, but nothing worked out. Why? Well, to be honest, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I was just applying to jobs because I thought "this could be okay?" It's pretty hard to job-hunt when you don't know what you're looking for.
This overall feeling of confusion of what I want to do with my life, coupled with being alone and feeling a little unworthy due to no response to so many applications, sent me down a bit of a spiral.
I was depressed. My anxiety was flaring.
Even trips with friends that I loved couldn't pull me out of my funk. And to be honest, I wasn't working incredibly hard at creating a positive life for myself. I kept thinking that I'd build a community once I moved up to Denver - what's the point of doing it in Colorado Springs when I'd just move away? I never imagined that I'd be living there for so long.
During all of this turmoil, I started to feel less and less enthusiastic about coaching. How could I support and give advice to others when I was falling apart? I felt disingenuous, so I started backing away. How was I supposed to live as an example to others if I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water? Yes, we all have struggles and how we get through those struggles can be an inspiration, but I was in the midst of them with no end in sight and not overcoming anything.
Even now that I'm settling in with my new job, finding a church and making friends, I'm still dealing with some things behind the scenes. While I would love to share everything I've been through and am going through with clients and readers to help them feel less alone and to bring a little inspiration, I've learned from many women that I look up to that it's best to talk about difficult times afterward. That's when you have a sense of perspective as well as can give hope to other women dealing with the same thing.
So I haven't been coaching, other than one life-coaching client. I love my Beachbody products and recommend them and the programs 100%, but I'm just not feeling like pushing anything on anyone else. If someone reaches out and wants to try something, great, but I'm not promoting because right now I just need to do my own thing.
I'm focusing on filling my cup back up. It took me a year to go downhill, so it will take some time to build myself back up.
So that's where I am with coaching - open and available but not reaching out purposefully. I still love my team (and will be spending the weekend in New Orleans with them!) but I'm not "working the business."
Maybe one day I'll go back to running challenge groups, or maybe I'll focus more on life coaching - who knows! All I know is that I'm going to stick to my gut instincts, follow my heart and do what's best for me in this season of life.
Check back in next week for Part Two - focusing on my personal health and fitness journey over the past few months and what I'm working on now.