August 31, 2016
I often get asked how I was able to make a mental shift from obsessing over food and exercising to being free from anxiety and today I wanted to share the very first moment I could remember where my mind really started to shift.
First and foremost, I’m not completely free - I most DEFINITELY have my hard days and moments where I lapse back into old ways of thinking and actions. But I have changed SO MUCH and I’m so glad to be where I am today.
The hardest part about making the change is not just knowing you “should,” but deciding to ACT on that knowledge. Inaction breeds fear, but action creates change.
I remember one particular moment in time: I was staying with my friend and her family at their lake house in northern Michigan. I was fully immersed in my need to be as thin as possible, even bringing weights on vacation because heaven forbid I didn't workout one day!
My friend was making the vegetables for dinner and she poured olive oil on the veggies. My heart STOPPED and my stomach dropped. She saw my wide eyes and told me it’s fine, don’t worry. I swallowed my fear and focused on turning off that voice in my head screaming at me that I had to control what I was eating.
At that moment, I knew I was ready to change. I knew I wanted to live a life like she did, where she didn’t measure everything or worry about calories. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I WANTED it, despite the potential consequences of gaining weight. That was step one in a looooong and still ongoing journey. Even after that choice, I fell backwards about a million times and even changed my mind, but never forgot that moment and the desire I had to be free of this obsession.